The Dog Wears Prada

Thou art thyself though, not a Mojo. What’s Mojo? It is nor hand, nor foot, nor arm, nor face, nor any other part belonging to a woman. O! be some other name. What’s in a name?

William Shakespeare (with a sparkle’ of mojo)

What is in a name? The question came to mind when sitting down to write this week’s column. What also comes to mind, or nose rather, is some godawful smell emanating from Matilda as she is rolling around on the floor with her toy bunny. She found something dead this morning on our run and took great delight in covering herself in it. Usually when she does this she is straight in the shower when we get home where I lather her in my favourite geranium scented dog shampoo, which I am not ashamed to say, I have occasionally used myself as the smell is just divine. But, not today. My whole understanding of what goes on in her little head has been completely transformed after reading Alexandra Horowitz’s book 'Inside of a Dog'.  

Horowitz writes, "To understand the dog umwelt, then, we must think of objects, people, emotions-even times of day-as having distinctive odors." Horowitz adds that because dogs "see" smells, they must remember in smells as well. "When we imagine dogs' dreaming and daydreaming, we should envisage dream images made of scents." So because Matilda sees in smells you can appreciate that the ones that are the most pungent are the ones that look the best.  Her rolling herself in this stench is the equivalent of me dressing in Chanel or Dior. I hear you Tilly girl. I’ll let you look darling in your dead animal Prada for a little while longer.

“For never was a story of more woe than this of Matilda and her Mojo.”

Three weeks ago I wrote about runclub and my initiation into the running pack as Mojo. The story behind the name unfolded as follows.

Coach:  Any guess at the fastest time you could run a km in?

Mojo:  I did 1km in 4.24 this morning.

Coach: Awesome work speedy!

Mojo: I don’t know if I could do 2 tho…

Coach: You'll be able to do 5 by the time we are finished with you Mojo. (he was spot on)

Mojo: How come I am called Mojo?

Coach: Flo-Jo is the fastest woman of all time and Mojo is what you have a lot of. I can give you a new nickname if you want? But I thought that one was cool.

Mojo: Ha ha. I love it!

                     

At the time I did not know much about Florence Griffith-Joyner (Flo-Jo) but my new found acquaintance with her prompted me to change that. So I once again turned to… you guessed it ‘the Google’ * for some enlightenment.

*the Google is a term coined from my Dad. He once called the internet ‘the google’ and I have used it ever since.

In 1988, at the age of 28, Flo Jo became an extraordinary athlete when she annihilated the 100m world record of her fellow American, Evelyn Ashford, reducing it from 10.76sec to 10.49. Even taking into account serious doubts which were raised over whether equipment had failed to register an illegally strong tail wind, it was an astonishing time. Griffith Joyner ran the three fastest 100m times ever by a woman and also set a US record in the 200m.

Flo-Jo went on to dominate the sprint events at the Seoul Olympics in similar fashion. In the 100m final, she took the gold in a wind assisted* time of 10.54sec, and she broke the world 200m record twice, where it still stands today. The suspicion that the dramatic improvement was drug assisted was one that was widely held - although Flo-Jo always denied it emphatically, and said she had never failed a drugs test. Something else appeared to have changed with Flo-Jo in 1988 apart from her speed - she was noticeably more muscular in build. Flo-Jo explained the changes by saying that she subjected herself to an exhaustive regime of physical training.

* In track and field, wind assistance is the benefit that an athlete receives during a race or event as registered by a wind gauge. Wind is one of many forms of weather which can affect sport. It is not farting like I had originally giggled at.

Apart from being the world's fastest women Flo Jo was also a bit of a fasionista. In the 1987 World Championships she ran the first two rounds in a skin-tight bodysuit, complete with a hood. The following year her costumes were even more dazzling - one was a purple body suit with a turquoise bikini brief over it - a design she referred to as a "one-legger". My favourite though is her white lace bodysuit that she explains with the simple quote, “Dress good to look good. Look good to feel good. And feel good to run…” Clearly it worked for her.

At the 1988 Olympics, she arrived with finger nails six inches long and carefully decorated. She painted three of them red, white and blue, and the fourth gold to signify her goal. On this occasion, all her goals were achieved - but four months later, at a tearful press conference, she announced her sudden retirement.

This news came at a time when the sport was clamping down on drug abuse following the furore which Johnson's fall from grace had aroused world- wide.

In the 90’s Flo Jo spoke about making a comeback as a 400m runner and - wait for it - a marathon runner. Unfortunately, neither ambition was realised. Others were. She had a child, Mary Ruth, who was fittingly dubbed Mo-Jo.

She also devoted much time to little league track teams and established the Florence Griffith Joyner Youth Foundation, a non-profit organisation to help disadvantaged youth. She was chosen by President Bill Clinton to replace Arnold Schwarzenneger as chair of the President's Council of Physical Fitness and Sports. She pledged herself to helping Americans trim fat off their diets and encouraging healthy exercise. In 1995, she launched her first exercise home video entitled Flo-Jo Work Out - Mind, Body and Spirit. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7DfQP0YoU9I - Pure Gold!

Ironically there were serious worries about Griffith Joyner's own health, in 1996 she suffered a seizure during an aeroplane flight from California to St Louis. And then in 1998 she tragically died of a heart seizure, aged 38.

When Coach first linked me to Flo Jo I thought this might not be a good match. I will obviously never be a world champion sprinter so how could I possible relate to her. Then something happened to make me realise I am more like Flo Jo then I originally thought.

It was a Saturday morning down at parkrun, I had started running some good times, astonishingly taking a minute of my PB - just like Flo Jo had done back in 1988. On this morning, much to my disbelief, I too was accused of using a ‘performance enhancing’ d…. dog! Something I also denied unequivocally with an embarrassing demonstration of just how hard it can be to run with an energetic sheepdog when Matilda got lose and proceeded  to round everyone up, paying no attention to my desperate pleas for her to come back.

It was this moment that I asked myself, ‘to be, or not the be Mojo?’

I decided to be Mojo and used my witty charm as I offered the ‘performance enhancer’  to other runners so they too could run under her influence. Bewilderingly, no one has taken me up on this offer. Perhaps they do not like her running couture?

And so that is how I got my Mojo.

Happy running x